Where to begin??
First off I have to say that God definitely brought me some much needed renewal at just the right time. Actually, right after I posted about my near breakdown, Bailey woke from her nap and while I was getting her a snack she crept into our bathroom and minutes later this was how I found her:
The timing of it was so perfect, that all I could do was laugh. It was either that or cry and laughing was much more fun. What I can I say? She’s 2. That’s what 2 year olds do! Even just that simple moment of laughing felt like a gift from God, b/c I physically felt like doing anything but laugh.
But He also brought me some relief with a WONDERFUL visit back home to Georgia. Mom made me the most delicious grilled cheese sandwich ever (not that complicated of a meal, but when made by Mom, it’s got healing powers! :), Dad took care of Bailey for a couple of mornings and let me sleep in till about 8:00 (oh the wonders that a couple of extra zzzzzzs will do!), I had a dinner date with one of my favorite couples, the Kovalskys, (and we witnessed a weird escorting service thing going on that was really crazy), Aunt Cindy made the MOST hearty and warm and filling vegetable beef soup ever while I got to visit most of the extended family, and finally, I got to spend a date night with my mountain man at the zoo to attend a wedding. Yes, the zoo. Well the wedding was really held at a beautiful old church in Atlanta and the reception was at the zoo. It was the wedding of my friend Kelly’s sister, Jennifer. Kelly is my oldest friend, so with the zillion sleep overs I had at her house, Jennifer sort of feels like an older sister to me. The wedding was very sweet and spiritual (married in the same church as her parents!) and then the reception was obviously fun and unique. We got to see some flamingos and pandas and I even pet an armadillo! Crazy, huh?? It was actually kind of cute. Of course that’s in comparison to the only other times I’ve seen them, which is lying dead on the side of the road. Ha! Here are some pics of our night at the zoo:
my cute parents who also went (mom- aren’t you glad I didn’t post that other picture of you two?)
the one picture where we’re trying to be sweet (all our other ones were goofy) and of course my dad gives me bunny ears. classic.
the baby panda – how cute is he?? i wish i could curl up and sleep on a tree like that
the adult panda deep in thought -probably wishing he could get out 😦
me and mom playing around in the gift shop
me, Kelly, and the flamingos! the only time I took off my jacket the whole night. It was freezing!
So that was an awesome weekend that provided me some revitalization. Any time with family and friends does that, huh?
And there’s some other news to tell. (I don’t know why, but I’m even getting a bit flushed and nervous just getting ready to type this…..I’m so silly and weird……just don’t like being the one to announce big news or whatever). But anyways. Ok– getting over myself now. So Steve and I are expecting another Little One to arrive this May! Yay!! Bailey is going to be a big sister!!! We are super happy and excited about it. And actually the best word to describe how I feel is blessed. Just very, very blessed. My cup runneth over. I don’t really know how to explain that, but I guess I’ll try.
I think I grew up, probably like most girls, just thinking that getting pregnant and having babies would come easily and naturally whenever you got married and decided to start a family. Well for myself, I have been lucky that it’s not been something I’ve had to struggle over. However, in the last few years I’ve seen several family members and friends struggle with either getting pregnant or having healthy babies or going full term with their pregnancies. And I certainly don’t pretend to know the pain and heartache they’ve gone through, but as my loved ones, my heart has definitely hurt for them and with them. And thankfully- SO thankfully- all of their situations have been blessed in one way or another with a beautiful child or pregnancy. Not to say that diminishes or takes away from their past pain, but I’m glad they’ve had joys to celebrate as well. But for me, having just been a witness to a few of their stories, it makes me feel all the more grateful for the gift of Bailey’s life and for this pregnancy. In the past, I would have taken getting pregnant more for granted. But now, every night, I try to just thank God for this undeserved gift that He has given our family. We are so very blessed. Every birth is nothing short of a miracle- something I don’t think I realized a few years ago.
Right now I’m about 13 weeks along; my due date is May 18th (just a week shy of my Mom’s 50th bday– I hope she likes her gift!). I wish I could say it’s been an easy pregnancy, but it’s been sort of tough as far as nausea and sickness goes. And let me tell you, I am THE biggest wimp when it comes to throwing up and nausea. And dealing with homesickness and Bailey’s sickness made it all the worse. Plus I’m sort of an emotional person (surprise, surprise) and the pregnancy hormones make it all go through the roof. But I think I’m almost out of the woods now (as I sit munching on Saltines and drinking Ginger Ale- ha ha!)……at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Honestly, I have such a new found empathy for people who are chronically ill! I just don’t know how they deal with feeling crummy for months or years.
Oh and another bonus with this pregnancy- one of my absolute best friends ever, Mandy, is pregnant too! We are literally due about a week apart! I met Mandy in college my junior year and she has been one of my most true-blue friends ever since. I just love her SO much! I always joke around about how I wish I had sisters, but never had any, but that God provides me sisters in other ways. And Mandy is definitely one of those sisters! And now I get to go through this pregnancy with her. Last time, with Bailey, I went through it with my cousin Therasa, and now Mandy. God knows how much I need my girlfriends!
This is us in our college days at a GA/FL game. Oh our younger years before our big bellies!
And now for the last bit of news. (I promise this post will end one day!)
Steve and I decided to back out of the house we were going to buy. It happened a couple of weeks ago. It was crazy. Right after they accepted our offer we were ecstatic for about a week. Then we found out I was pregnant and were even more happy. Then a week or so later I started feeling really doubtful and unsure about the house. There were several factors influencing this- the price of it (it was at the higher end of our budget) and the location (we had never actually lived in Weaverville, just visited a few times). But after talking (and crying!) to many friends and my parents, I decided I was just being hormonal and emotional b/c of the pregnancy and being so isolated out in Burnsville, and that I shouldn’t trust my feelings right then. I briefly talked about it with Steve, but told him that since I was in such a crazy state at the time, that I just wanted to trust and follow him and whatever his decision was. And he felt really good about the house. So I figured once I stopped feeling sick and emotional from the first trimester and once we lived in civilization in Weaverville, then things would fall into place, and I’d feel good about the decision. But even though I told myself that, the doubt never left. I didn’t talk about it anymore (SO unlike me!) with Steve and all I did was pray everyday that God would take away my doubt and give me a peace about the house or that He would lead Steve to back out of the house if it wasn’t right for us.
Weeks went by and I never talked about my doubts, we planned for the closing and the move, and Steve kept getting more and more excited about the house. I just kept talking to God about my feelings. Then about two weeks before closing Steve, out of the blue, came up and told me “We’re going to back out. For some reason, this house just isn’t right for us.” Wow!! I was SOOO blown away. I had really set myself up for moving and accepting the change despite my feelings. So phone calls were made, paper work was signed, and we were out of the deal. And we both felt SUCH relief. Relief we didn’t even know we needed.
So we decided to not buy right now. We need to actually live in Weaverville and see if it’s right for us. We got a 6th month lease at an apartment and we moved in last Sunday. Our plan right now is to not plan. No looking at houses, no thinking about the future or where we’re going to end up, not one real-estate website. For the next few months we want to just live. Go on walks, watch movies, visit the library, get involved with church – just see if this is the community for us. Just hoping that at some point God will lead us somewhere, in some direction. Don’t know where and don’t know when. And yes, that kind of scares me when I think about it. Especially when I do the math and see that at the end of 6 months I’ll be 8 and 1/2 months pregnant. But I’m trying so hard to just trust God right now. Whenever those worries creep up in my mind, and they definitely do, I’m just trying to respond- I trust you God. And honestly, that’s all I can manage right now. But when I look back and see how this whole thing worked out, I can’t help but see His hand in it, and if He brought me this far, He’ll continue to lead me where He wants me to go.
Well that’s it for now. I LOVE our apartment! It’s close to things (5 minutes to the grocery store instead of 30!!), there’s a work-out facility, a playground for Bailey, and lots of little kids around! And our neighbors are a couple that have a 19 month old and the mom is 5 months pregnant right now and in school to be a teacher! It’s like our twin couple! ha ha! I can’t wait to hang out with her more. She seems so nice! So right now, I’m very happy and content where we are. And we did end up getting a 3 bedroom so that we’d have a guest room for visitors!! So the invitation is still open 🙂
Ok, I’m finally going to end this super long post. Again, I appreciate all the love and support that friends and family have been giving us along this crazy ride. It’ll be interesting to see where we end up- here, back in GA, somewhere new?? We’ll see!